My Name is Dean Winchester
by Serenity24601
Summary: AU to "Regarding Dean." What if Rowena wasn't able to perform the healing spell? Now Sam has to watch as his brother's mind slowly deteriorates.
1. Chapter 1

"My name is Dean Winchester. Sam is my brother. Mary Winchester is my mom. And Cas is my best friend."

Sam stumbled after the witch. He burst through the door and skidded to a stop before reaching the staircase. At the bottom stood Dean; his eyes wide and a gun in his hand. He had it trained on the witch on the middle step. Sam waited for him to shoot. The gun moved. Sam's heart stopped. The gun moved back. Dean's eyes moved wildly back and forth. The gun followed. Sam put his hands up.

"Brother," Sam pointed to himself. "Witch," he pointed to the man on the step. Dean nodded and the gun moved back to the witch.

"Wait," Rowena yelled, "Don't shoot!" The seconds stretched to minutes as Sam glanced from Rowena and back to his brother.

"Dean!" he yelled. But it was too late. A loud bang ricocheted off the walls. The bullet whirled through the air and found its mark in the other witch. He crumpled to the stair with a thud. Sam nearly stumbled down the stairs towards the witch's side. Dean looked as lost as he had before. Rowena brushed past him and almost sent him spinning. She ran up the stairs and knelt next to the other witch.

"He's dead," she said.

"Isn't that we wanted?" Sam asked. He looked up at her with worry in his hazel green eyes.

"He was the last person who knew the spell," Rowena snapped.

"I thought you said you could do it," Sam's voice rose in tone. He glanced at his brother who watched them with a wild and confused look in his eyes.

"Not without someone to translate it," Rowena said, her voice rose as well. It was as if they were having a contest on who's voice could go the loudest and it made Dean seem more skittish as his eyes moved from Rowena to Sam and back again. Sam glanced at Dean again then stood up and went to him. He pulled the gun from his older brother's hand, scared that with Dean's nerves on edge he would be more likely to shoot.

"Can't you translate it yourself?" Sam turned back to Rowena.

"Oh yes," Rowena said. Her smile and tone told Sam of her sarcasm. "It only took them years of training to learn that stuff but I can translate it in a day. As much as I appreciate the compliment, I'm not that smart, Samuel." Sam growled.

"Well you have to do something," Sam said.

"What do you want me to do?" Rowena nearly shrieked. "You killed our last hope of fixing him."

"You should've told us sooner that you couldn't do it," Sam yelled back.

"I tried! But your brother wouldn't listen!" Sam groaned angrily and ran a hand over his face.

"What the hell is going on?" Dean suddenly yelled. "Wait!" His eyes froze on Rowena and the witch at her feet. "Is that a dead guy?" Sam's hand fell to his side and he shared a glance with Rowena. "Awesome." Dean smiled and nodded.


	2. Chapter 2

"My name is Dean Winchester. Sam is my brother. Mary Winchester is my mom. Cas is…"

"So what's the plan, Samuel?" Rowena sat in the passenger seat and looked at Sam as if he had any answer at all. Instead of answering, Sam glanced back at his older brother.

"This car is awesome," Dean smiled. "Where are we going?" Sam sighed.

"You're going to change him back," he answered Rowena.

"I already told you," she replied, "I can't. I can't translate that. Even if I could by the time I got around to it, it would be too late for your brother."

"What about that other spell you told me about?" Sam grasped at straws.

"I already told you," Rowena grew impatient with him, "That would take too long. Your brother needs a much quicker solution."

"Well, damn it, Rowena," Sam slapped the steering wheel, "What do you want me to do?"

"Why are you asking me?" She asked, "He isn't my problem. If you'd let that other witch live we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Yelling at me isn't gonna bring him back."

"I'm sorry I didn't know this was my crisis to fix," Rowena said, "He's not my brother after all. I could care less what happens to him." Sam glared at Rowena as his hand's clutched the steering wheel tight and he clenched his teeth.

"So help me, Rowena, you are going to figure that damn book it," he said, his voice low and angry.

"Or what, Samuel?" she asked, "You'll kill me? What good will that do him?" Sam's glare softened a little as his expression changed to worry. His heart sunk. He glanced in the mirror again. Dean smiled at him.

"This car is awesome," the older brother said. "Where are we going?" Sam sighed.


	3. Chapter 3

"My name is Dean Winchester. Sam is my brother. Mary…Mary Winch…Mary Winchester is…"

"I've read the damned thing over and over," Rowena snapped. "But that isn't going to help us when I can't understand a word of it." Sam ran a hand over his face.

"What am I supposed to do?" he asked.

"Let me go for one thing," Rowena threw back her hands as if revealing the handcuffs to him, though he had put them there.

"And let you run off with the book?" Sam snorted, "I don't think so."

"I can't help you, Samuel," she said, "Unless you still have that little red head and her magic computer hanging around." Sam put his hands on the back of the chair across the table from Rowena and closed his eyes. He sighed. He glanced up at Dean, sleeping on one of the two motel beds. He shook his head and hit the chair. "There's always your angel friend," Rowena said and Sam thought he heard a touch of softness in her voice. "Maybe he could fix it."

"I thought this was more your area of expertise," Sam said.

"Well obviously that isn't working," Rowena snarked back. Sam sighed and stood up.

"Watch him," he pointed at the sleeping Dean. Then he stepped outside and slammed the door. For a moment, he didn't move. He leaned against the door and sighed. He rubbed his hands over his face and his fingers tugged on his hair. Finally, he pulled out his phone.

"Hello?" Cas answered after two rings.

"Hey, Cas," Sam replied. His voice sounded weary.

"Sam?" Cas asked.

"Look," Sam sighed, "I know you're busy with Lucifer's baby and crap. But do you mind coming down here for a few minutes." He ran his hand over his face again.

"What is it?" Cas asked in a worried tone. Sam put his head back on the door.

"Something's wrong with Dean," he said. His throat felt dry with unshed tears and he almost couldn't get any more words past the lump inside it. "I'll explain it to you once you get here." He told Cas the location of the motel they were staying in then hung up. It took him a few minutes to muster the courage to go inside. He looked down at the phone in his hands and flipped through his list of contacts. He stopped on one name. He wondered if he should call her. She deserved to know what was happening to her son. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. That meant giving up and Sam wasn't ready to do that yet. He opened the door and went inside. Rowena raised her eyebrows but Sam ignored her and sat on the empty bed beside his brother. He put his face in his hands. Only a few moments passed when a flutter of wings made Sam look up. The sound woke Dean and he jerked awake with limbs flailing. He looked up at Cas with wide eyes.

"Who are you?" He sat up and his eyes moved around to each person in the room. Cas' eyebrows drew together and he looked at Sam. The taller man didn't respond to the angel's confusion. Instead he came to Dean's side.

"Hey," he said, "That's Cas. Our angel friend." Dean didn't seem any less confused. "I'm Sam, your brother. That's Cas. Dean?"

"Who's Dean?" Sam closed his eyes as he felt Cas' confused gaze on him.

"You're Dean, remember?" he asked, "I'm Sam. Cas. Rowena." He pointed to each person in turn. Dean nodded as if he understood but Sam could see the confusion still in his eyes.

"What's wrong with him?" Cas asked. Dean looked from Cas to Sam.

"I don't know," he answered Cas, "Is there something wrong with him?" Sam sighed and grabbed Cas' arm. He dragged him outside. As he opened the door, he turned to Rowena.

"I know, I know," she said before he could speak, "I'll watch him." Sam nodded and as he closed the door he heard her mutter, "Kinda hard when I'm all chained up."


	4. Chapter 4

"My name is Dean Winchester. Sam is my brother. M…Mar…Mary…"

"You should call her." Sam sat inside the bunker's library. Books were strewn across the table in front of him. Cas stood in the doorway behind him but he could see the way Sam closed his eyes and sighed.

"Not yet," he shook his head as he flipped through the pages of another book. "We're gonna figure out how to translate that thing." Cas stepped forward and Sam could almost picture the pity in his eyes. He'd felt it before when Dean had gone off to face Amara. He hated it.

"Even if we do," Cas said. "Who says there will be enough time to fix him?" Sam slammed the book in front of him shut and whirled in his seat.

"You're sure you can't heal him?" he demanded. Cas looked at his hands and shook his head.

"This sort of damage isn't physical," he said, "The witch who did this knew their magic." Sam pulled his fingers through his hair.

"Of course he did," he muttered then turned back to his books.

"You should call her," Cas said again. Sam shook his head and pulled another book towards him. "Sam." Sam shoved the stack of books away and some crashed to the floor.

"I'm not gonna call her okay Cas?" he yelled. Cas flinched but nodded. He sat down beside Sam and picked up a book. "I'm not gonna call her," Sam muttered and he hoped that would be the end.


	5. Chapter 5

"My name is Dean Winchester. Sam is my…my brother. M…M..."

The door shrieked open. Sam jumped to his feet and pulled out his gun. He ran from the library into the main room below the entrance.

"Mom?" She stood on the top of the staircase, looking lost as if she had never been here before. Sam bounded up the stairs, taking two at a time. "What are you doing here?" he asked once he'd reached her.

"Castiel called me," she explained, "Is Dean okay?" Sam swallowed a lump in his throat.

"No. He…" He looked down at his hands. He sighed. Mary could tell from his expression that it wasn't good.

"Where is he?" she asked. She put her hand on his upper arm and looked at him with concern. Sam cleared his throat before he spoke in a broken voice. A part of him wanted to break down at the comfort of his mother which he'd never felt before. But he had to stay strong. For Dean. He led her down the stairs and to Dean's room where he sat staring at the TV. He looked up at them.

"Wh…wh…who ar…are y…you?" Dean struggled to get the words out. Sam tried not to wince. Mary glanced at Sam with concerned confusion. Dean looked from Mary to Sam and back again.

"What's wrong with him?" Mary asked.

"Wh…who?" Dean asked. He looked at Sam with concern as if Mary was talking about him. Sam sighed.

"Witch's spell," Sam said. "He can't remember anything. He's starting to forget how to talk." Mary glanced at Dean.

"Have you found a cure?" Sam shook his head.

"The witch who could give us the cure is dead," he answered.

"What about Castiel?" Mary asked. "Can't he heal him?"

"He tried," Sam said, "But the damage isn't something he can heal. We've got a witch in our dungeon and I've tried to put her one figuring out the cure but I guess this isn't her type of spell work." He sounded frustrated.

"So you've got nothing?" Mary asked. Sam glanced at Dean then led his mother out into the hallway.

"I've been studying up on all the Men of Letters books that I could find," Sam said. "Anything that even mentions witches I pulled out." He showed her the library with the book covered table. "I had them all sorted alphabetically and by monster but so far nothing. These were very obscure witches I guess."

"So what are you going to do?" Mary asked, looking up at him. Sam didn't look at her for fear of breaking down. He stared at the stack of books lying open on the table in front of him.

"I don't know."


	6. Chapter 6

"My name is Dean Winchester. Sam is my…Sam is my…"

Weeks passed. Sam spent most his time in the library. He called every witch hunter he knew. He visited other witches and shaman; anyone who claimed to know anything about magic. Rowena sat in the dungeon staring at the book and muttering the words as if that might help her. Mary did her best to help by reading books and making coffee or food for Sam whenever he seemed hungry. The two of them took turns by Dean's bedside. They'd sit by him and watch TV. Sometimes one of them would sleep in the chair next to his bed. Even Cas would come by every once in a while to help stand watch.

Sometimes, Sam would linger in the shower or in the library, just so he wouldn't have to go in the room. He noticed how his mother did it too. It hurt them both too much to see Dean like this, slowly losing his ability to speak, to feed himself.

"He's lost control of some of his…other bodily functions," Mary told Sam one day. Sam closed his eyes and swallowed back a dry lump of disgust and pain. He clenched his teeth until they squeaked. Mary could see Sam's pain and her heart ached to help him. She reached out and put her hand on top of his. "Maybe you should go work on a case or something. Get out of here for a little while." It had been awhile since Sam had left the bunker. Mary had left a few times to work on some small hunts and Sam had taken a few hours a week to visit other witches or witch hunters but that had stopped a while back. Now most days he spent hunkered down in their bunker studying any book he could find on spells or sitting at Dean's bedside, feeding his older brother. They had to give him mostly soup and other soft things now. He'd forgotten how to chew. Sam shook his head.

"I can't leave," he said. "Not now." Mary sighed and pulled her hand away.

"You can't stay here forever," she said, "It's too much." Sam shook his head again. He reminded her so much of John, so stubborn in how much he cared for his family. She nodded and stood up.

"Mom," he said as she started towards her room.

"Yes, Sammy?"

"Thanks," he didn't know if he'd said it enough, or if it could every convey how much she meant to him but he knew he had to say something. She smiled at him before leaving the room.


	7. Chapter 7

"My name is Dean Winchester. S…S…"

Sam set the bowl of soup on the bedside table and watched his brother. Dean stared at the TV with a blank expression. Bits of soup dripped over his chin and his arms hung uselessly at his side. An occasional blink of his eyes was the only sign that he still functioned. Sam sighed and ran a hand over his face.

"I remember when you used to do this for me," he said. He glanced at the TV as he spoke. "Even when I was old enough to feed myself, whenever I got sick…" He shook his head and chuckled a little. "You just loved that stupid airplane move." He looked back at his brother and his expression grew solemn. His smile fell. "You gotta get better, Dean," he begged. "I can't do this without you." Dean glanced at his brother and for a moment the two brother's eyes met. Sam's shoulders lifted and his expression became hopeful but Dean's face remained expressionless and he turned back to the TV. Sam sighed and stood up. He grabbed the bowl off the table. "I'm sorry, Dean. I'm really trying." He took the bowl and left the room. As he passed one of the many bedrooms, he stopped and glanced inside. "Mom?" Mary was inside the room with an open suitcase on her bed. She looked up at him.

"Sammy," she tried to smile but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Mom," Sam said again. His eyes hadn't left the suitcase. "Are you leaving?"

"Sammy," she sounded urgent, "I'm unpacking." His eyes moved up and met hers. The relief almost made him tear up. She came towards him and put a hand on his arm. "I'm not gonna leave you, Sammy. Especially not now." They both glanced down the hallway towards where Dean's room was.


	8. Chapter 8

"My name is D…D…Dean."

"Come on, sweetheart," Mary's voice was gentle and coaxing, "Just swallow it. You gotta eat." Sam stopped down the hallway not too far from Dean's room. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Rowena had told him this day would come, the day when Dean would forget a simple function he needed to survive. Slow, hesitant steps carried the younger Winchester to the doorway of his big brother's room. He watched Mary try to show her son how to swallow and swallowed back his own tears. A heavy sigh escaped him and alerted her to his presence. She turned around.

"Sammy," her voice and expression were one of sadness and Sam knew what she was going to say before she even continued. He began shaking his head violently.

"No," he said before she'd said anymore.

"Sammy," she said again. "You have to do it. We can't let him suffer any longer."

"No," he said again.

"Castiel can help us," Mary said, "It's for his own good."

"No mom," he said desperately, "No. There's gotta be another way."

"You know there's not," she said, "We've tried everything. There's nothing more we can do." Her voice cracked a little. "It hurts me too. I wish it didn't have to be this way."

"Shut up," Sam yelled. He immediately regretted his outburst and ran a tired hand over his exhausted face. "I'm sorry, mom. It's just…He's all I've had for…for forever. I can't…I can't lose that." Mary stood up and put a hand on his arm.

"I know, Sammy," she said, "But he's not all you have. Not anymore." She pulled him into her embrace and Sam finally let himself cry. Tears ran down his cheeks and dripped onto Mary's shoulder as she held him. After a few minutes, he pulled away.

"I gotta call Cas," he said in a voice hoarse with tears. Mary nodded and sat back down beside her oldest son. Sam pulled out his phone but before calling up their friend he went down into the bunker's dungeon. Rowena glared at him as he opened the large door.

"Come to let me go, Samuel?" She snapped.

"I've come to give you one last chance," he answered.

"This is it then?" She asked, seeming almost sad. "Is he dead?"

"Not yet." She nodded.

"Well, I'll miss the bastard," she said in a moment of truthfulness. Sam looked taken aback but he shook it off.

"There's nothing you can do?" He asked for the last time. She shook her head.

"Not unless you wanna make another deal with a demon?" She suggested.

"No," Sam said, "Dean and I… We made a promise. If one of us chose to do something, we'd let him. And I know Dean isn't in the best state to be making decisions but I know what he would want." He sighed. "Thanks," he said then went up the stairs. Cas was already in Dean's room when he came back. Mary stood at his side.

"I prayed to him," she explained to Sam. Cas looked at Sam and there were tears in his bright blue eyes.

"I can't do it, Sam," he whispered as the other man joined him at the bedside. "You guys are my family."

"I know, Cas," Sam said, "I know." He looked down at Dean. "Can you guys just give me a moment?" he asked. Mary took Cas' hand and led him out of the room. Sam sat down in a chair next to his big brother's bed. It took him a moment to swallow back the lump that was keeping the words stuck in his throat.

"Look," he said, "I know you won't be able to understand me, or if you do you won't remember this but…" he sighed, wondering what he could say. "I'm sorry, Dean. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I'm sorry it had to end like this." His voice cracked a little and he cleared his throat. "It wasn't supposed to end like this. Not for you. You were supposed to go down fighting. That's how you would've wanted it. Not like this," his voice cracked again, "Not like this." There was so much more he wanted to say but he couldn't get the words out.

"Sammy," Mary's soft voice drifted in through the doorway, "It's time." Sam nodded and looked back at his brother. Tears gathered in his eyes until the other man was just a blur on the bed. Cas came to the bedside and Sam stood up. The man and the angel glanced sadly at each other as Cas laid two fingers on Dean's head. A final sigh escaped his lips and Sam's breath caught in his throat as Dean slumped on the bed. Cas' hand drifted down over Dean's eyes, closing them forever.


	9. Chapter 9

"My name is..."


End file.
